I Miss You
by n00b-masta2112
Summary: Kurenai found herself before that grave a lot lately. The other Jonin were beginning to get worried... [songfic for Slipped Away] Kurenai x Asuma


**A/N: w00t! Finally posting this after reading tons of Asuma x Kurenai and telling people about it, this fic is finally up! The idea for this story came to me on a plane to NC listening to my iPod. So here it is!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Avril Lavigne song "Slipped Away."**

**Bow down to the great Kishimoto! He owns Naruto, not me! Bow down!**

_Thoughts in italics_

_**Song lyrics in bold italics**_

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_**Na, na, na, na, na, na, na**_

_**I miss you**_

_**Miss you so bad**_

_**I won't forget you**_

_**Oh, it's so sad**_

Kurenai sat in the cemetery, clutching a white rose to her chest, humming softly to prevent herself from crying. _Don't cry, that's what he would tell me,_ she thought as she struggled to keep some tears inside. She had been spending quite a lot of time before that grave lately. All the other Jonin would stroll by to check on her and see her in the same dazed state she had been in since _that day_. They were beginning to get worried. Kurenai hardly slept, lost her appetite, and refused to speak to anyone except Shikamaru, because he reminded her of Asuma. Shikamaru would swing by her home or the cemetery when he could to comfort her because he understood how much she was hurting.

He even took up smoking to make her miss him less. If someone almost like Asuma was by her side, Kurenai felt less broken. Still, the hollow feeling in her chest where her heart used to be caused her so much pain, she wondered if she would die of grief. She sometimes wished she would, just to be with him. But she knew how much that would hurt all her friends and comrades, and she couldn't do to them what Asuma had done to her.

Time seemed to stand still as she sat with him and hummed a familiar tune. Kurenai stopped when she recognized the song. It was what Asuma used to hum while he walked with her. A tear escaped from the confines of her sad red eyes. She quickly wiped them away, remembering her promise to Asuma that she would be brave. She wouldn't cry.

_**I hope you can hear me**_

_**I remember it clearly**_

_**The day you slipped away**_

_**Was the day I found it won't be the same**_

_**Oh**_

Kurenai laid the rose down on the earth where his body rested and sighed sadly. She ran her fingers over the words carved in the store, remembering the day she found out.

_((flashback))_

_It was raining. Rain seemed to be a bad omen, didn't it? Something bad always happened when it rained. The rain was beginning to make Kurenai cold as she stood at the gates waiting for him. Asuma and his squad were coming back from an eight-day mission that day, and Kurenai couldn't wait to greet them – well, mostly **him**. She had some exciting news._

_She thought she saw three figures approaching through the heavy rain. Wait – three? The figures came closer and she saw Choji, Ino, and Shikamaru, all looking tired, worn out, and…sorrowful?_

_Shikamaru was the first the look up and make eye contact with Kurenai. "Where's Asuma?" she asked him._

_He sighed and said, "You'd better sit down."_

"_Oh no," she had squeaked. She had a good idea of what was coming next. "No, no, no, no, NO!" She shook her head and sank to her knees. She held her head in confusion. "Don't say it. Don't say it!" Kurenai was now sobbing hysterically._

_Ino took the woman in her arms and whispered, "I'm sorry. We tried to save him."_

"_No! You're lying!" Kurenai screamed. Hot tears were flooding down her cheeks and mixing with the rainwater. She shoved Ino away. "Liar! Don't touch me!"_

_Ino and Choji looked on helplessly as Kurenai got up and stumbled away blindly. Shikamaru took off after her and grabbed her hand. "Please, Kurenai…calm down," he pleaded._

_Kurenai stopped and looked back at him. He looked at her like Asuma used to. She let Shikamaru pull her into a hug. He rocked her back and forth as she wept into his shoulder. He hummed a familiar tune that Asuma used to hum._

_((end flashback))_

_**Na, na, na, na, na, na, na**_

_**I didn't get around to kiss you**_

_**Goodbye on the hand**_

_**I wish that could see you again**_

_**I know that I can't**_

_**Oh**_

Kurenai was crying again. The tears burned her skin as they streamed down her face and off her chin, dripping onto the ground and being swallowed up by the thirsty earth. She placed a hand on her swelling belly. _I never got a chance to tell him the news…I didn't even get to say goodbye properly. God, I wish I could go back,_ she thought.

She stroked his name carved into the black stone again. _Oh, what I would give to see his face one more time…to feel his touch, to smell his smell one more time…to hear his voice one last time…I would give anything._

Kurenai lifted her face skyward and hollered, "Gods in heaven – whoever you are – why did you take him without letting me say goodbye? Without letting me hold him one last time? Without letting me kiss him one final time? Why?" She wiped some tears away with the back of her hand and lowered her voice. "Because now it's too late. I can't."

_**I've had my wakeup**_

_**Won't you wake up? **_

_**I keep asking why**_

_**And I can't take it**_

_**It wasn't fakin'**_

_**It happened**_

_**You passed by**_

_Is it all a dream? No – a **nightmare? **An awful nightmare? Will I awaken from this miserable slumber? Will he? _Kurenai questioned her sanity as she asked herself all these unanswerable questions. _Who killed him? Where are they? Do I have the power to destroy them? I have the will, the need. Where is Asuma? Can he hear me? Does he miss me? Does he know about the baby? What will I tell my child about its father if I can't even bring myself to talk about him with my closest friends? What will I name it? Will it become a shinobi? Will it be like its father?_

Kurenai leaned back and lay down in the grass, watching the clouds in a very Shikamaru-like fashion. _It's not a dream. Pain isn't this bad in dreams. It's real. It happened. Asuma's gone._

_**Now you're gone**_

_**Now you're gone**_

_**There you go **_

_**There you go**_

_**Somewhere I can't bring you back**_

_**Now you're gone**_

_**Now you're gone**_

_**There you go **_

_**There you go**_

_**Somewhere you're not coming back**_

_**The day you slipped away**_

_**Was the day I found it won't be the same**_

_**No**_

_**The day you slipped away**_

_**Was the day I found it won't be the same**_

_**Oh**_

Kurenai felt a throbbing in her chest and bolted up, clutching her heart. She rested her forehead against Asuma's gravestone and sobbed. _Can I go where you've gone, my darling? Can I take you by the hand and lead you back here, where we'll be happy again? Will you follow me? Asuma? Asuma? _Yup, she'd gone off the deep end. _I'll be right there, love. Hold on, I'm coming. _Kurenai sent telepathic messages to Asuma as she frantically dug through her weapons pouch for a kunai. She fumbled with it and grabbed the white rose off the ground, clutching it to her hollow chest. _Will the knife not pierce anything if there's nothing to stab through?_

Just as the desperate kunoichi was about to plunge the kunai into herself and end her eternal suffering, a strong hand stopped her and lowered her arm to her side. "Don't," Shikamaru whispered as he pressed his lips to hers.

_Asuma?_ Kurenai asked with her mind. She opened her tightly shut eyes, but all she saw was Shikamaru. _He does remind me of him. A near-replication of Asuma…I might as well stay here for a while…but I will go to where you are, Asuma, dear…in time._

_**Na, na, na, na, na, na, na,**_

_**I miss you…**_

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**Whoa! Unexpected Shikamaru x Kurenai at the end there! Well, that's all I got. Please review. I apologize for any typos, but I didn't proofread. There is a sequel in order, which takes place after Kurenai's child is born. Keep an eye out for that fic!**


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